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Masking thread 2 (TW suicide)

From Twitter 28/12/2019

I talked yesterday about my “enjoying a night out with the girls clubbing mask”. I have got to be honest, I have a much thicker mask. I weld it to my face, and it doesn’t just slip when it fails – it cracks wide open.

I put this mask on when I go out in public to interact with strangers, e.g. when I opened a child ISA at the bank for my daughter who had inherited a small sum of money when my son died, her brother’s government child trust fund. /2

Chatting away opening this bank account, my neurotypical small talk mask already in place. The clerk asks “How many kids do you have then?” Without missing a beat, the extra mask goes on. “2 boys, 2 girls” I say. /3

I don’t need to explain that my son just died and my stepson stopped coming round. I don’t want this stranger’s pity for my tragic situation. Don’t want her to wonder why. I need the support of my friends, both in real life and online. To passing strangers, I’m capable, competent and fine /4

I don’t want people pointing at me everywhere I go thinking “that poor lady, her teenage son just died” and wondering “how does she get out of bed? How does she put one foot in front of the other?” I just do. “How does she hold it together?” Well I don’t always. I do crack. /end.

Prologue. You guys here can all read this, and I don’t need to try and interpret your facial expression. I don’t need to find words to make you feel less uncomfortable. This is way easier for me. I’m still going to get a stress headache for typing it, but it helps. Thank-you


P.S. Sorry I forgot the trigger warning


Author: Charlie Hart

Late-diagnosed autistic working mum, attempting to write an amusing semi-autobiographical novel with a twist.

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