New Year Resolution for 2020

New Year’s Resolutions, just a continuation of a resolution I made a while ago: Think twice before volunteering, making new commitments, agreeing to things. Remember that you’re spread too thin already, and never know how you or your dependants will feel from one day to the next.

My “don’t enter too many races” resolution started in 2019 and I’m keeping it going. In 2020 I plan to do Down to the Wyre again, as I loved it last time, and maybe one more summer and one more autumn trail race. No half-marathons and no road races, same as 2019. No winter races.

Ongoing commitments are more of a problem for me e.g. volunteering to lead c25k beginners running programmes. In December my busiest time at work, I ended up delivering a neurodiversity presentation and playing guitar in a work panto, neither of which I was well enough to do.

I need to get better at declining requests to help people with things, people who are not in my inner circle. I have had to be urged by my counsellor to be kinder to myself and put some external things on the shelf for the foreseeable future. I think that’s what is meant by “charity begins at home”.

Regarding the work panto, I deliberately didn’t attend the auditions, because I knew I was getting burned out and I didn’t want to do it. The culture change consultant who plays saxophone came to find me and pulled up a chair by my desk and said “I really want you to play guitar with me in a band for the panto”. I should have immediately said “I’ve got too much on my plate already” or “I don’t feel well”, but I’m just a girl who can’t say no. I’m struggling to keep the basic plates spinning, without adding a bunch of extra plates just to please other people who aren’t even in my inner circle.

I am expecting a rough ride in 2020, with the first anniversary of Iggy’s death and the future of my job hanging in the balance.

Author: Charlie Hart

Late-diagnosed autistic working mum, attempting to write an amusing semi-autobiographical novel with a twist.

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